The conversation
Talking with a parent whose memory is changing
When a parent's memory is changing, conversation itself can start to feel different. This page passes on everyday ways of talking that organisations supporting families suggest, without saying what lies behind any change.
Ask a professional about this one
What helps here is very particular to the person. This is genuinely one to take to the people who know your parent’s situation.
Where this guide stands
- PrimaryTaken from the official source itself, and cited directly.
- SecondaryEstablished in recognised guidance, summarised here.
- SecondaryEstablished in recognised guidance, summarised here.
- SecondaryEstablished in recognised guidance, summarised here.
Because part of this is held, the guide runs short and leans on where to ask rather than on what we can establish.
The photo albums are out on the coffee table again, and the tea has gone cold while the two of you turn the pages. Somewhere in the last while, talking together has started to feel different. This is information, not medical advice.
The suggestions that follow come from organisations that support people living with dementia and their families. They are passed on because they are about everyday conversation, and they say nothing about what lies behind any change in your parent.
What we don’t claim here
What follows is general framing that families often find helpful. It is not guidance for any particular condition, it does not tell you what a change means, and it is not tailored to your parent.
Who can weigh it: your parent’s doctor or care team, who know the person and the situation. Where to take it →
Short sentences and a warm tone
A Government of Canada tip sheet (2022) on communicating with a person living with dementia suggests short, simple sentences, spoken slowly and clearly in a friendly tone, without language that sounds childish or patronising. The Alzheimer Society of Canada, writing for the same conversations, suggests staying aware of your own tone and body language.
Time to answer
For talking with someone living with dementia, the Government of Canada tip sheet suggests giving the person time to respond and to express themselves. The same tip sheet suggests trying not to interrupt, even when you think you know what they want to say, and offering non-verbal encouragement such as eye contact and a nod. The UK's Alzheimer's Society, writing for the same situation, suggests leaving time between sentences so the person can take in what was said and respond. It also notes that feeling pressured to reply can stop people from responding in later conversations.
Sharing the past
Writing about communicating with a person with dementia, the UK's Alzheimer's Society suggests not trying to jog their memory, because that can be frustrating and embarrassing for them. The same page describes familiar objects, or things that recall the person's past, as something that can be a nice way to reminisce. It also suggests talking about what you yourself remember from the past, so they have time to recall what they can with no pressure. The US Family Caregiver Alliance, writing for those caring for someone in the same situation, describes remembering the past as often a soothing and affirming activity.
Encouragement first
For a person living with dementia, the Government of Canada tip sheet advises against telling them they are wrong, as this may confuse them, and suggests responding calmly, with encouragement, instead. The Alzheimer Society of Canada, writing for the same conversations, puts it as connecting rather than correcting: letting mistakes pass and offering encouragement.
Including them in the conversation
The UK's Alzheimer's Society says that when a person with dementia is part of a conversation with others, it is important not to talk as though they are not there. For the same conversations, the Government of Canada tip sheet suggests cutting down distractions, staying calm and patient, and respecting the person's personal space. The same tip sheet suggests trying different ways of communicating, since what works may vary from person to person. The US Family Caregiver Alliance, writing for the same situation, suggests using humour whenever possible, though not at the person's expense.
Questions for their doctor or care team
What lies behind a change in memory or thinking is a question for a professional, and it is worth taking to their doctor or care team, with your parent part of that conversation where they want to be. When memory or thinking seems different is about describing a change to their doctor or care team, and How to bring it up without a fight looks at raising a worry with your parent in the first place.
When to ask a professional
This guide stops early on purpose. The people who know your parent’s situation are the ones to ask about anything specific to them: what is happening, what it means, and what helps them in particular.
Sources
The outside sources this guide draws on.
Primary: Taken from the official source itself, and cited directly. Secondary: Established in recognised guidance, summarised here.
- PrimaryGovernment of Canada, Tip sheet: How to communicate with a person living with dementia, 2022
- SecondaryAlzheimer Society of Canada, 5 communication tips for conversations with people living with dementia, no date given
- SecondaryAlzheimer's Society (UK), How to communicate with a person with dementia, no date given
- SecondaryFamily Caregiver Alliance (US), Ten Tips for Communicating with a Person with Dementia, 2016
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How we source
Carefulness, made visible.
Named, not counted
Each guide names its sources and tags each one Primary or Secondary. It never counts sources at you.
Holding back
Where a part isn’t confirmed, a guide runs shorter and says what is missing.
Naming the limit
Every guide names where its authority ends, and who to ask instead.