When memory or thinking seems different

Your dad has done the crossword in pen every morning for as long as you can remember, and lately it's been left half-finished on the arm of his chair. Whether that means anything is not something this page will try to say. It is information, not medical advice, about putting what you've seen into words and bringing it to your parent's doctor or care team. For the wider picture, see Changes families often notice and Normal aging, or something more: why no page can answer that.

What families mention

These are the kinds of things families mention. They describe what people notice; they are not a checklist and not a test:

• repeating the same question or story within a short space of time
• misplacing everyday things, or finding them in unusual places
• losing track of dates, appointments, or which day it is
• searching for words that used to come easily
• finding familiar tasks (a recipe, the remote, paying a bill) harder to follow
• seeming lost for a moment in a conversation, or in a familiar place
• leaning more on notes, or on you, to get through the day

You might see one of these once, or several over time. Attach no meaning to any single one. That isn't yours or ours to do. They're simply things worth noticing and worth mentioning.

What health bodies say about memory and age

According to the US National Institute on Aging, older adults may worry about their memory and other thinking abilities. The same institute says that forgetfulness can be part of normal ageing, while dementia is not a normal part of ageing.

Memory loss is not always caused by dementia, according to the Public Health Agency of Canada. Ireland's HSE says memory problems could be caused by something that can be treated. The National Institute on Aging says finding the cause of memory problems matters for deciding the best course of action, and that this is worked out with a doctor. This page names no cause, on purpose.

How professionals assess memory

NICE guidance in England recommends that, at an initial assessment for suspected dementia, professionals take a history from the person and, if possible, from someone who knows the person well, such as a family member. Ireland's HSE says that, in diagnosing Alzheimer's disease, a specialist will assess memory and other areas of mental ability, and that doctors take many other things into account. The Alzheimer Society of Ireland notes that no single test diagnoses dementia, and that confirming a diagnosis can take time, particularly in the early stages.

Getting ready for the appointment

In its advice on talking to a doctor about dementia, the Alzheimer Society of Canada suggests writing down when the changes began and whether they have shifted over time, and taking all medications, including vitamins and supplements, to the appointment. The National Institute on Aging suggests making a list of the questions or concerns your parent, or others who help, would like to raise.

Keeping your parent in the conversation

The appointment is about your parent, and their own sense of how their memory has been is theirs to give. What you have seen sits beside their account, not in place of it. Both are worth bringing to their doctor or care team, with your parent in the conversation.

If something can't wait

Some moments call for urgent help rather than a booked appointment, and nothing here weighs one against the other. How to reach urgent help, wherever you are lists how to contact emergency services in the places it covers.